National Network to
End Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
TTY: 1-800-787-3224
2 Samuel 22:1-3, 18,
48-50: And David spoke the words of the song to
the Lord in the day that the Lord delivered him from the hands of his enemies
and from the hand of Saul. He said, “The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my
deliverer; my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of
my salvation, my stronghold, and my refuge. My savior, you save me from
violence…He delivered me from my strong enemy, from those who hated me, for
they were too strong for me…The God who executes vengeance for me, and brings
down peoples under me, who also brings me out from my enemies; you even lift me
above those who rise up against me; you rescue me from the violent man.
Therefore, I will give thanks to You, O Lord, among the nations, and I will
sing praises to Your name.
In the scripture lesson today, King David sings a song of
thanksgiving for God’s protection of him during times when violent men
attempted to take his life. To take back his power, David took refuge in the
God of his salvation, in whom he trusted. When David fled from the presence of
Saul, one of the first places he went was to the tabernacle of God, where he
found food and a weapon. Violent men attempted to take David’s power, due to
jealousy and fear. Today, there are women in America suffering at the hands of
violent men, due to issues of control and power. For many of them, the
tabernacle of God has not proven to be a place of shelter and assistance.
Indeed, too many battered and abused women are ill-advised by their religious
leaders to return to abusive relationships, being told of a duty to honor
marriage and accept these unbearable situations. It is time for faith-based
organizations to become a refuge for individuals who are in relationships with persons
“too strong” for them to cope with alone. The Church is to be a sanctuary where
we as God’s own possessions go for help and comfort. Unless the Church becomes
part of the solution to ending violence against women, this hate crime will
continue to devastate women, their children, and yes, even the men
themselves.
I want to ensure that everyone understands just what
domestic violence is and what it entails. It seems that often people do not
understand the full extent of the abuse, and, therefore, tend to downplay the
violence or the intent of the violence. It is a power game, and its sole intent
is control over its victims; in other words, to take away their power. By domestic violence I mean a pattern of
coercive control that one person exercises over another, and includes physical
violence, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, financial or economic abuse, and
verbal abuse. Domestic violence includes but is not limited to, hitting, slapping, punching, burning,
shooting, cutting, kicking, holding down, pulling hair, throwing down stairs,
dragging, name calling, making derogatory comments, threatening, belittling,
constant phone calls, humiliation in public or in front of family and friends,
forcing sex, making degrading sexual comments, assaulting breast or genitals,
forcing a partner to have sex with a third person, bragging about infidelity,
making threats of violence, forcing a woman to do degrading things, using her
children or other family members against her, killing a family pet, threatening
to tell others of their sexuality in the case of lesbians and gays, destroying
property, taking her money, denying her money, restricting access to household
finances and withholding medical treatment, and not allowing her to work or
attend school.
Domestic violence is the shame of this nation. Obadiah,
verse 10 states, “Because of violence to your brother Jacob, you will be
covered with shame, and you will be cut off forever.” Every day in America, three
to five women die at the hands of men who once professed to love them. Research
indicates that every 9 seconds a woman is assaulted by a partner or former
partner. Domestic violence is the most common cause of injury for women in the United States,
accounting for more emergency room visits than muggings, rapes, and car
accidents combined. Seventy-five percent (75%) of women murdered by their
abusive partners are killed either after they leave or as they are trying to
leave. I nearly died twice at the hands of violent men when I tried to leave
abusive relationships. In fact, I was beaten and spent seven days in the
hospital after God gave me the courage to say no to the first violent man at
age 17. In the other case, I was beaten nearly to death after I returned to my
husband because I felt that as a Christian wife I should remain with him. It
was my faith in God as a rescuer that helped me finally leave that
relationship. I sing praises to His name. But, there is a lack of support for
women attempting to leave abusive relationships. As a nation, monies have not
been made available in sufficient amounts to fund shelters and other types of
transitional assistance that women need to escape the abuse.
There are three specific ways that God’s people can help
women take back their power and stop this tsunami of hate that is created by
the twin earthquakes of control and power. First, church leaders should socialize
men that just because the Bible states “your wives,” it does not mean that
women belong to men or are their property, or that men have a right to use
violence to control women. They must remind men who use the biblical scriptures
as justification for violence against women that Christ never hurt nor harmed
the Church. Instead, Christ loved the Church so much that He gave His life for
it. Ephesians 5:25 states, “Husbands,
love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for
her.” Further, Ephesians 5: 28-29 say, “So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He
who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, just
as Christ also does the church.” Therefore, as believers, men are morally
obligated not to abuse their wives; to do so constitute sin.
Also, faith-based communities must address violence against
unmarried women. Because of the putatively “sinful” nature of the
relationships, women cohabiting or in dating relationships have not found the
empathy needed to leave these relationships and take back their power. We must give
comfort and hope to everyone, for Romans 3:23 relates that “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” The lack of
concern for unmarried women leaves many women without the support of their
faith-based communities at the very time when support and understanding is
greatly needed.
Second, to fully participate in the prevention and stopping
of domestic violence, God’s people need to learn about domestic violence, its
cause and consequences, and its effects on children. Too few faith-based
leaders have taken courses on domestic violence. To advise victimized women to
remain in abusive relationships without fully understanding the extent and
etiology of the violence represents an injustice to women.
Third, God’s people must condemn domestic violence from the
pulpit and the pews. It must be known that God does not condone violence in any
form. Psalm 11:5 states, “The Lord tests the righteous and the wicked, and the
one who loves violence His soul hates.” In many churches, women represent over
60 percent of the congregation, and in some Black churches, the percentage
rises to more than 70 percent. Therefore, it is inconceivable that only women
outside of faith-based communities are experiencing violence in their homes.
Instead, it is more likely that victims and batterers are worshiping together
in places of worship. To hear leaders denounce the abuse in places of worship
would give women a sense that their concerns are valid, and that the violence
in no way represents God’s love. For men to hear that the violence is morally
wrong would reinforce the idea that violence against women is always wrong and
will not be tolerated by God’s people.
Survivors and victims of domestic violence must be reminded
that God is still God, and that like for King David, He is still a refuge, a
stronghold, and a deliverer for those who have suffered, or continue to suffer,
at the hands of violent men. He will deliver them out of the hands of violent
men, with the help of His people. Faith-based communities can offer services for
survivors and their children or collect funds for agencies in their communities
that offer services for abused women and their children. Women and men can be
encouraged to get involved by volunteering at shelters, getting involved in
organizations such as Men Stopping Violence, and groups can have speakers come
and address youth groups to explain about healthy relationships as early as preteens.
If God’s people will join in the fight to end domestic violence, then women will
know that God is a very present help in times of trouble. Then, as Isaiah 60: 18 states, “Violence will not be heard
again in your land, nor devastation, or destruction within your borders; but
you will call your walls salvation and your gates praise.”
PRAYER: Father God, thank you for your wondrous love for your children,
and that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Today, we pray for
the millions of women enduring domestic violence. We ask that you touch the
hearts of your people to help in ending violence in this land. It is our hope
that women can find sanctuary and help in your house. Then with upraised voices
we all can sing songs of praise to you for continuing to be our refuge and our
shield. I called on you in my time of violence and you heard me and delivered
me from the violent men in my life. You turned my life around and gave me hope.
Like King David, I praise your holy name.
In Jesus’ Name,
Amen
Rev. Regina Davis-Sowers, PhD
Thank you for your article and getting the information out there.
With the information, the truth really starts coming to the forefront
and the confirmation is all over the place.
People don't see that abuse comes in all different forms and they sweep it under the rug unless it is physical violence only.
I appreciate the story from the link at the top of the page also.
Blessings
Posted by: trpmp | October 28, 2008 at 09:00 AM